Pastor Stories

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#CC9922" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="260d2962dakdei.gif"> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Welcome to AVesselofhonor.com</B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >     |    </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#0000BF" FACE="Arial" ><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome to AVesselofhonor.com"><U> home</U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Strength of a Man"><U>Strength of a Man</U></A>   |   <B>Pastor Stories</B>   |   <A HREF="id65.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The King and his 4 wives"><U>The King and his 4 wives</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id75.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gone Fishin a must read"><U>Gone Fishin' -a must read</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id76.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Listen for Gods Voice"><U>Listen for God's Voice</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id59.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Christian Super heros"><U>Christian Super heros</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id91.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Things you dont normally hear in church"><U>Things you don't normally hear in church</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="chain of command"><U>chain of command</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id49.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="women preachers?"><U>women preachers?</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Christian One Liners"><U>Christian One Liners</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id92.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Church bulletin bloopers"><U>Church bulletin bloopers</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id93.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Voice Mail in heaven"><U>Voice Mail in heaven</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id94.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What do you see in church?"><U>What do you see in church?</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id95.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="church stuff"><U>church stuff</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id99.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Mastercard masters card"><U>Mastercard -"master's card"</U></A></div> <div> Pastor Stories</div> <div> Scroll Down for some more</div> <bR> <div> YOU CAN'T PLEASE THEM ALL... </div> <div> The pastor of a church is in a precarious position; he can't </div> <div> please everyone! It has been said: </div> <bR> <div> If he is young, he lacks experience; if his hair is grey, he's </div> <div> too old for the young people. </div> <bR> <div> If he has several children, he has too many; if he has no </div> <div> children, he's setting a bad example. </div> <bR> <div> If he preaches from his notes, he has canned sermons and </div> <div> is too dry; if he doesn't use notes, he has not studied and </div> <div> is not deep. </div> <bR> <div> If he is attentive to the poor people in the church, they claim </div> <div> he is playing to the grandstand; if he pays attention to the </div> <div> wealthy, he is trying to be an aristocrat. </div> <bR> <div> If he suggests changes for improvement of the church, he </div> <div> is a dictator; if he makes no suggestions, he is a figurehead. </div> <div> If he uses too many illustrations, he neglects the Bible; if </div> <div> he doesn't use enough illustrations, he isn't clear. </div> <bR> <div> If he condemns wrong, he is cranky; if he doesn't preach </div> <div> against sin, he's a compromiser. </div> <bR> <div> If he fails to please somebody, he's hurting the church and </div> <div> ought to leave; if he tries to please everyone, he is a fool. </div> <bR> <div> If he preaches about money, he's a money grabber; if he </div> <div> doesn't preach spiritual giving, he is failing to develop the </div> <div> people. </div> <bR> <div> If he drives an old car, he shames his congregation; if he </div> <div> drives a new car, he is setting his affection on earthly things. </div> <bR> <div> If he preaches all the time, the people get tired of hearing </div> <div> one man; if he invites guest speakers, he is shirking his </div> <div> responsibility. </div> <bR> <div> If he receives a large salary, he's mercenary; if he receives </div> <div> only a small salary, well-it proves he isn't worth much anyway. </div> <div> -Author Unknown</div> <bR> <div> **************************************************<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> A Pastor I Know</div> <div> I'd like to tell you all, about a pastor that I know.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> He has a special gift from God, to let the spirit flow.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> In his own gentle way, he teaches wrong from right.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> Never forgetting to tell us, that we are in God's sight.</div> <div> How I love to sit up front, and listen to him preach.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> All about our Lord Jesus, and all he has to teach.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> With a soft spoken word, Jesus shows his might.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> Reminding all of us, that we live in God's sight.</div> <div> Last Sunday night, I couldn't wait to hear what I had craved.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> I got on my knees, & bowed my head, I asked God to be saved.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> Jesus came into my heart, and filled my eyes with light.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> And showed me I was standing, with him in God's sight.</div> <div> I owe my Pastor a word of thanks, for I had lost my way.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> Forgetting I owed Jesus, a debt I could not repay.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> I now know I'll beat Satan, in this Earthily fight.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> I'll be forever standing, in God's loving sight.</div> <div> So thank you my friend, for the gift that you share.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> And when I go to heaven, I know I'll see you there.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> You've lifted up my soul, to the highest of heights.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Eurostile" > </FONT></div> <div> You taught me how to live my life, forever in God's sight.</div> <div> Written By Cathie Weaver Aug. 15, 2000</div> <div> **************************************************<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> A Farmers Story: </div> <div> A very zealous soul winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much, and she'll wanna go all three days."</div> <div> **************************************************<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> THE NICKLE:<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Comic Sans MS" > </FONT></div> <div> A boy came skipping into the house with a big lollipop in his hands. "Where did you get that lollipop?" his mother asked. </div> <div> "I bought it with the nickel you gave me." </div> <div> "The nickel I gave you was for Sunday School!" </div> <div> "I know Mom," said the boy, "but the minister met me at the door and got me in free." </div> <div> Oh my, the world brings its "nickels" to get into heaven and Jesus meets us at the door and gets us in free because He paid the debt, in full, when He died on the cross for our sins and rose again. No wonder we sing "nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling." </div> <div> **************************************************</div> <div> I'M NOT GOING TO CHURCH<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> A couple was having their Sunday morning breakfast when the wife went to<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> get her Sunday church clothes on. When she returned, the husband was still in his bathrobe.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> "Aren't you going to church this morning?" asked the wife.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> "No, I'm not going this morning. In fact, I'm not going to church anymore<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> at all."<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> "What do you mean, we've gone to church for years, so why the change?<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> He responded, "Look, there are people at that church who don't like me,<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> and frankly, there are people at that church that I don't like, and I'M NOT<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> GOING!"<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Modern No. 20" > </FONT></div> <div> She answered back, "I'll give you two good reasons why you need to go to church. One, you're 42 years old. Two, you gotta go, you're the preacher."</div> <div> **************************************************</div> <div> <B><U>The Good News, Bad News for Pastors </U></B></div> <bR> <div> Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. </div> <div> Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get well card. </div> <div> Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it. </div> <div> Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do. </div> <div> Bad News: The choir mutinied. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons. </div> <div> Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." </div> <bR> <div> Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. </div> <div> Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. </div> <div> Bad News: You were on vacation. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church. </div> <div> Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. </div> <bR> <div> Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit. </div> <div> Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house. </div> <div> **************************************************</div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>