Church bulletin bloopers

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#CC9922" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="260d2962dakdei.gif"> <div> <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Strength of a Man"><U>Strength of a Man</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id32.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Pastor Stories"><U>Pastor Stories</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id65.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The King and his 4 wives"><U>The King and his 4 wives</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id75.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gone Fishin a must read"><U>Gone Fishin' -a must read</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id76.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Listen for Gods Voice"><U>Listen for God's Voice</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id59.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Christian Super heros"><U>Christian Super heros</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id91.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Things you dont normally hear in church"><U>Things you don't normally hear in church</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id33.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="chain of command"><U>chain of command</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id49.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="women preachers?"><U>women preachers?</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Christian One Liners"><U>Christian One Liners</U></A></div> <div> <B>Church bulletin bloopers</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id93.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Voice Mail in heaven"><U>Voice Mail in heaven</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id94.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What do you see in church?"><U>What do you see in church?</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id95.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="church stuff"><U>church stuff</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id99.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Mastercard masters card"><U>Mastercard -"master's card"</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B>Welcome to AVesselofhonor.com</B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >     |    </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#0000BF" FACE="Arial" ><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Welcome to AVesselofhonor.com"><U> home</U></A></FONT></div> <div> <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" >back to</FONT>  <A HREF="id5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lots of Men Pastor Stories"><U><B>Lots of Men & Pastor Stories</B></U></A></div> <div> Church bulletin bloopers</div> <div> * Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference - "The cost for </div> <div> attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The sermon this morning - "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight—"Searching for Jesus."<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having </div> <div> trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Brother David's sermons.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The preacher will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the </div> <div> deterioration of some older ones.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to </div> <div> cripple children.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, greenbeans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday, it says:<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * This evening at 7:00 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across form the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. * Potluck supper Sunday at 5 PM - prayer and medication to follow.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship hall after the BS is done.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * The eight-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement at 7 PM. The </div> <div> Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" > </FONT></div> <div> * Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance. </div> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>